Wife Swap: Cullen vs Simmons
by fourteen miles away
Summary: Alice and Emmett sign Esme up for Wife Swap.
1. Chapter One

**A/N: Hello, lovelies! Wow, my first story! I'm so excited! Obviously, the Cullens would never sign up for Wife Swap, so this may be a bit OOC, but I'll try my best.**

**Also, super thanks to ****RichelleBrinkley**** for beta-ing. She is amazing, this story would be chaos without her!**

**Chapter One**

Dr. Carlisle Cullen had just gotten home from work and was grabbing the mail. There were the usual bills and magazines, but something odd caught his eye. A thick envelope with the Wife Swap logo printed on it.

Carlisle didn't think twice.

"Family meeting, _now_!"

Shortly after, his children and lovely wife had gathered in the living room, looking at him with worried faces. All except Emmett and Alice, who looked completely terrified.

"Will someone please explain this to me?" Carlisle said evenly, trying to calm himself down. He held up the envelope so everyone could see.

Edward frowned, "Is that why you've been singing Barbie Girl in your head for the past month? It's been driving me crazy!" He glared at Alice.

"First of all, let me just say that _nothing bad is going to happen_. Emmett came up with the idea–" Alice started to explain, but was quickly interrupted by her brother.

"Our idea! Don't push all of the blame on me!" Emmett protested indignantly.

"Fine, _we_ came up with the idea to sign Esme up for Wife Swap! Don't give me that look; it will be a fun new experience!" Alice beseeched, trying to convince everyone.

Edward was apprehensive, "Do you have any idea how dangerous this could be? We're _vampires_, in case you've forgotten. And what about the Volturi? Did you even think this through?"

"Stop worrying, Edward," Alice said firmly, "It'll be fun! Besides, I already had a vision, and nothing bad is going to happen. We're moving at the end of the year, so we might as well enjoy the last few months," she appealed, "Anyway, it's been a while since anything exciting happened."

"Esme, darling, what do you think?" Carlisle asked his wife, a bit more composed.

Esme cast calm eyes on her husband, "Well, I see Alice's point. And if she says nothing bad will happen..."

"It won't!" Emmett cut in, "We are going to have so much fun! Just think of all the pranks we can pull on her. It's gonna be _legendary_." He high-fived Jasper.

"Wait, so we're really going to have a human in the house? The second the Mutt leaves, you decide to bring a human in?" Rosalie screeched.

Esme put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Sweetie, it'll only be for two weeks. It might be fun."

Rosalie pursed her lips, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Fine. But I won't enjoy it."

"Well, this is great!" Alice exclaimed.

"Calm down, we need to set some ground rules." Carlisle decided.

"First of all: absolutely _no _sex while the new mother is here."

That brought on a series of complaints, but they quickly died away when Carlisle raised his hand for silence.

"Second, dating within the family is already shocking enough; we don't need her to know you guys share rooms. The girls can share a room and the boys will share the other," Carlisle continued, ignoring the looks of indignation on his children's faces.

"Third, you will at least _pretend_ to eat human food. We don't need the whole country thinking you're all anorexic. And please, _please_ for the sake of our family, try to act normal, okay?"

Rosalie frowned, but Alice and Emmett were glowing with happiness. These were going to be two very interesting weeks, Esme thought.

**A/N: I hope you guys liked it, the next chapter will be up tomorrow.**


	2. Chapter Two

**A/N: Hello, again! How are you guys? I'm so happy people are actually reading this! Thank you all for the favorites and follows! And, once again, a huge thank you for the amazing RichelleBrinkley for beta-ing this story.**

**Chapter Two**

_Esme_

The next few weeks flew by too fast, and I dreaded when the day came and I had to leave my family for a fortnight. The camera crew would be arriving in an hour, and I had to admit, I was a quite nervous. We weren't used to having humans in the house – it'd been quite some time since Bella had become a vampire. I just hoped that I could still remember how to cook.

Alice was packing my bags whilst Rosalie did my make-up. I'd miss moments like these when I was away. I truly considered them both to be my daughters.

"Alice, honey, don't you think that three suitcases is a bit much? I'll only be gone for two weeks." I stared incredulously at the full-to-bursting suitcases my daughter had laid out for me. Surely I didn't need that many clothes for a two-week stay?

"Of course not! The large one is for clothes, the medium one is for shoes and the small one is for beauty products, books and magazines. Trust me, you'll be spending fourteen nights there, you're going to need a lot of reading material!"

I chuckled at her logic. Of course.

_Alice_

I had just finished packing Esme's suitcases, and was looking for Bella. There was no way in hell that she was going to dress herself, and the last thing we needed was for her to show up looking daggy (well, as daggy as a vampire could look) in sweatpants and a T-shirt.

I made my way to her and Edward's bedroom.

"Bella, I'm coming in, so please stop sucking face with my dear brother."

"What do you want, Alice?" Edward asked me once I'd opened the door, clearly annoyed.

"Well, as I'm sure you remember, Bella and I have an agreement where I can dress her for special occasions, such as this one. Don't give me that face Bella, you know you have no choice," I said with a smug smile.

Bella just looked at me and sighed resignedly.

"Fine. But no short skirts."

"We'll see about that."

_Emmett_

I was so excited! Sure, Rose was kind of mad at me, but she'd get over it. Hopefully.

Jasper and I were playing Call of Duty when we heard the Wife Swap crew's car approach the house. We turned off the game and went to greet them at the door.

"Hello! Welcome to the Cullen household!" I said cheerfully, perhaps a little too much so. Had I mentioned how excited I was?

"Emmett, you're scaring them. Please, come in. Guys, the camera crew is here!" Jasper shouted, for the sake of the humans.

I loved humans, they were so funny.

_Esme_

I was walked down the stairs with Carlisle by my side, coming to a stop in front of the crew. The shock on their faces as they saw us was obvious.

"Hello," a man that looked a bit older than forty said his voice squeaky. He cleared his throat and continued, "We need to film you guys acting normal, and then we're going to ask a few questions to each family member. So, you guys can just… act like… you normally would..." he garbled, a bit awkwardly.

Alice frowned slightly, but skipped to her new room dragging a very bored looking Bella with her. Rosalie headed down to the garage to finish working on the cars, whilst Edward watched Jasper and Emmett as they resumed playing their video game. Carlisle and I decided we would b the ones to answer the questions.

"If you guys could introduce yourselves and explained why you signed up, that would be great."

"I'm Dr. Carlisle Cullen," my husband said with a charming grin.

"And I'm Esme Cullen," I smiled into the camera.

"We didn't exactly sign up for the show, our son Emmett and our daughter Alice signed us up. They enjoy jokes, and thought this would be a fun experience for all of us. I really hope they're right."

The man nodded and continued to the second question.

"What do you think about your family? And please repeat the question in your answer."

Carlisle chose to answer, his natural charisma making it obvious that even if he'd said that their family was uncouth and lazy he'd still manage to make them sound like the epitome of perfection.

"I think that in a house with six teenagers, things can really get crazy, but we do our best. We may seem a little chaotic, but our family all love each other, and even though the kids are adopted we treat them as if they are our own.

"It's hard for outsiders to understand the dynamic of our family, which is why I think the new mom might have a bit of a hard time at first, but once she gets to know the kids I'm sure she'll love them."

The man nodded again, signalling for the cameras to pull away.

"Thank you, that was great. Can you call one of your kids so we can ask them a few questions?"

"Of course" I said with a smile.

Once everyone gave an interview, the crew left, reminding that they would come again in a few days to see me off to my new family. Before I knew it, that day had already come and the car was waiting for me to say goodbye to my family.

I hugged all my children goodbye before turning to Carlisle.

"Goodbye, my love. I'll see you in two weeks," he promised, giving me a kiss.

Emmett helped me with my luggage, and I reluctantly slid into the car, watching with unease as my family slowly retreated back into the house.

These were going to be the longest two weeks in my life.

**A/N: Hope you guys liked it! The next chapter will be up in about three days. Oh, and please review!**


	3. Chapter Three

**A/N: Hello again! First of all, let me start by giving a huge thank you the people who reviewed, you made my day :) And, like always, mega thank to RichelleBrinkley for beta-ing! Here is the third chapter, I hope you guys enjoy it!**

**Chapter Three**

"Goodbye kids. Remember, behave and pray," Kate smiled, looking at her children. "Goodbye, John." She gave her husband a quick hug - there was no need for a public display of affection. Getting into the car, she sighed. The idea of leaving her children with a strange woman worried her, but she knew she had raised them well and they were responsible enough not to let a stranger dictate their lives.

She, on the other hand, was on a mission. A mission to bring light into the life of her new family.

The plane ride was awfully boring, with nothing much to do other than to eat and read airline magazines. When Kate arrived at the airport to some city she hadn't cared to remember the name of, she looked flagged down the driver with her name and braced herself for a long drive.

The city her new family lived in was so small it didn't have an airport. That worried her slightly; what kind of family would she be put in?

After driving for about two hours they reached a small town, the weather overhead overcast and gloomy. The town looked pleasant enough however, with charming little bakeries, a single antiquated bookshop, houses blooming with pretty flowers, and – thank God – a church!

Just when Kate was beginning to think that maybe this whole experience wouldn't be so bad, they took an exit from the town, heading towards the woods.

"Are you lost?" Kate asked the driver, annoyed.

"No, ma'am. Trust me, I was here this morning," he answered reassuringly.

Kate huffed in response. The last thing she needed was to be put into an anti-social family that lived isolated from society. She hoped they at least went to church.

As they approached her home for the next two weeks, Kate's mouth dropped open slightly. The term "house" couldn't even be deemed appropriate – it was more of a mansion, three stories high with polished French windows and a spectacularly large swimming pool in front. To Kate, it looked more like a small castle. The garden was, if possible, even more extravagant; teeming with roses – each a single perfect bloom – and hedges trimmed so precisely they may as well have been cut using a laser of some sort.

"Wow. This house is _amazing_. But I know better than to let looks deceive me – the family is probably in debt, with a house this big," Kate said to the cameras, her face scrunched up in disgust.

She entered the house through the large oak-panelled double doors, and explored the living room just off the hall. It was just as breath-taking as the exterior, perfectly matched furniture surrounding the expensive glass coffee table, which held what looked to be a priceless china vase with fresh long-stemmed roses and gardenias.

Kate was momentarily blinded by the beauty of it all, shaking her head before moving on to explore the kitchen. The first thing she noticed was that it looked _spotless_. Sleek black and silver appliances decorated the impossibly lustrous marble floor – the overall effect looked like it had come straight out of a home-decoration magazine, and one with ridiculously expensive taste at that.

"This family seems incredibly materialistic. What is the use of having so much expensive stuff? It's money thrown in the garbage!" Kate told the cameras (once she had shaken off the stunned effect seeing the lavish kitchen had caused her, of course).

She made her way up the spiral staircase, almost afraid to grip the glossy redwood railing. It, just like everything on the ground floor of the house, seemed ridiculously invaluable, to the point where she was hesitant to touch it lest she damage it somehow and cause herself thousands of dollars in debt to the family.

The upstairs floor had a game room, one wall decorated with shelves of DVDs, video games and board games. Another wall housed a large L-shaped couch facing the biggest and most expensive TV Kate had ever seen, hooked up to a Playstation 3, Wii and Xbox.

Kate found it utterly ridiculous. Her children weren't even allowed to watch television, let alone play videogames.

"Video games are violent, and do nothing but cause kids to become dim-witted and mindless. There is nothing godly about them. _My_ children would never submit themselves to such a thing. The kids in this house must be idiots!" she exclaimed.

The next room Kate came upon, the piano room, was perhaps the most magnificent of them all. It was largely empty except for the gleaming grand piano, standing proudly on a small stage in the center of the hardwood floor. Despite the gloomy weather outside, the room seemed to glow with the light streaming in through the windows, large and stretching floor-to-ceiling across the entire back wall.

Adjacent on the second floor, Kate found an office with an impressive mahogany desk, medical books and magazines filling the shelves. Fine oil-painting which probably costed a small fortune hung on the walls, and Kate stared critically at them.

"The father is a probably a doctor. That explains the house, but I still think they're in debt," she decided.

She found the bedrooms on the third floor, each filled with expensive laptops and even more expensive closets, most definitely larger than would ever be necessary. Kate could feel herself turning a deep shade of red just looking at them.

"This is ridiculous, who needs so many clothes? This family is _crazy_."

Returning to the hallway, Kate took deep breaths and mumbled a prayer. These people were definitely heretic.

She made her way to the kitchen to read the manual.

_Dear New Mom,_

_I can't wait to meet you! My name is Esme Cullen and you will be the mother to my seven wonderful children for the next two weeks. _

_All my children have been raised with respect, so if you respect them, you'll get the same back. My husband Carlisle and I believe in raising our kids with freedom. We are not always going to be around, so they need to learn to be responsible for themselves._

_The kids need to be at school by 8:00. This won't require too much effort on your part as they are all incredibly self-sufficient; they all wake themselves up and should be out of the house by 7:30._

_I usually wake at seven and eat breakfast with Carlisle. The kids have different tastes, so they each make their own breakfast._

_For myself, I enjoy cleaning the house, and I absolutely _love_ gardening. I also like interior design very much – sometimes I even publish articles about it in magazines!_

_Carlisle gets home at 6, and we usually have dinner at 8. Everyone makes their own dinner, but we all eat together._

_Oh, and there's also something else you need to know: since none of the kids are related, they are allowed to date each other._

"What!?That's_ ridiculous! _They date their siblings?"Kate was appalled.

_Please don't think of us as bad parents, they love each other very much and it is very much for the best. I have never seen them as happy as they are when they're together._

_I hope you have a wonderful time being mother to my children. I can't wait to meet you in two weeks!_

_Love, _

_Esme Cullen_

"This family is _so_ messed up. They need help!" Kate told at the camera.

Well, luckily for the Cullens, she was only too determined to show them the light.

**A/N: Kate is inspired by Marguerite Perrin. Just search 'Crazy Christian Lady, Marguerite Perrin on Trading Spouses' on youtube and have a laughing fit like I did. **

**Please give me feedback on what you guys think of the story so far, and what you would like to see!**


	4. Chapter Four

**A/N: Oh. My. Gosh. Thank you so much for all of the wonderful reviews, it made me happier than I could imagine! Here's chapter four, I hope you guys like it :)**

**Thank you to RichelleBrinkley for being a wonderful beta!**

**Chapter Four**

_Kate_

I was sitting in the kitchen, waiting for this messed-up family to show. Hearing the soft purr that was unmistakably the sound of a car engine, I stood to go meet them.

"Bella, stop complaining. You know you loved the dresses I bought you," a girl's voice said. It was the most beautiful, melodic voice I had ever heard.

"No, Alice, _you_ loved the dresses you bought me."

"Girls, we have company," a man's voice said. My eyes widened as the most perfect human being I had ever seen walked into the room. He had impeccable blond hair and handsome, chiselled features to match it.

I struggled to keep my expression composed, but it became more and more difficult as the rest of the family came into sight. Behind the blond man were who I assumed to be his children, each just as mesmerizingly beautiful with the same hypnotizing butterscotch eyes deathly pale skin.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Carlisle Cullen. It's a pleasure to meet you." The blond man shook my hand and I repressed a shiver. His grip was cold as ice.

"I–I'm Kate Simmons." I stammered, my voice failing.

"Kids, introduce yourselves."

A tiny, pixie-like girl stepped forward, "Hi, I'm Alice! I'm sure we'll have lots of fun these two weeks!"

"I'm Cullen. Emmett Cullen." A huge muscular guy boomed in a deep voice. Judging by the sheer size of his muscles, he must've been on steroids.

"I apologize for my brother, he's recently watched the new James Bond movie," a bronze-haired boy said, trying not to laugh. "I'm Edward, nice to meet you."

The steroids guy gave Edward an annoyed look.

"You ruin all the fun, you know that Eddie?" He got a hard glare in response.

"Stop calling me that!"

A curly-haired blond boy stepped forward.

"I'm Jasper. Nice to meet you, ma'am."

The last girl, not bothering to glance up from her nails introduced herself as Rosalie. How disrespectful!

"There are two other members of our family, Jacob and Renesmee, but they are currently on their honeymoon so unfortunately you won't get to meet them," the father informed me. I nodded, trying to memorise all of their names.

"Well, why don't we go sit down and get to know each other?" He smiled and led us through to the living room. God, that man was sexy.

... And that was a very ungodly thing to think. This family was really starting to get to me.

I saw Edward, the bronze-haired boy, roll his eyes and look at his father.

"Is there something wrong?" I asked him.

"Nothing at all." He answered, voice dripping with sarcasm.

I'll that one pass.

_3rd Person's POV_

The Cullens were all seated in the living room listening as Kate Simmons, their new mom, introduced herself.

"Well, as you all already know, my name is Kate Simmons. I am the mother of two children, and my husband John is a salesman.

"I do not work, and instead mainly stay at home and volunteer at our community church. I am strict Christian, and I believe that God is the only reason to live for."

"We're going to have lots of fun this week." Emmett said in a mischievous voice.

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Kate asked suspiciously, glaring at him.

"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all." He smiled innocently, leaning back into the couch as Rosalie rested her head on his shoulder. Kate wrinkled her nose at the gesture.

"I read your wife's letter, and I do not approve of the dating inside of this family."

Carlisle adjusted himself in his chair, clearly uncomfortable. The kids either rolled their eyes or let out muffled laughs.

"Trust me; your approval is the last thing we need." Rosalie smiled sweetly. Her eyes, however, told a different story, staring coldly into Kate's and daring her to object.

"_Rosalie._" Carlisle warned.

Kate's eyes narrowed.

"Show me some respect, young lady! I am older than you!" she hissed. The boys sniggered quietly at this, but Kate didn't understand why.

Rosalie rose from her seat and gave Kate a vicious glare, eyes hard as steel.

"Just because you're older than me doesn't mean I have to respect you. I treat people the same way as they treat me."

"You _insolent _child!" Kate was fuming, outraged by Rosalie talking back to her, "How dare you speak to me like that?"

Rosalie's eyes darkened and her gaze was deadly. Kate shrunk back as Emmett tried to calm Rosalie down, stroking her hair and placing a comforting arm around her shoulders.

Jasper was looking at Kate with a look that rivalled Rosalie's, and Kate immediately felt a wave of unconditional fear engulf her. Alice put a hand on Jasper's shoulder and his expression softened.

"Will everyone _please_ sit down?" Carlisle ordered in a strict but calm voice. Reluctantly, everyone returned to their places and all of the children glared at Kate. She felt like a deer caught in headlights.

"Emmett, you and Rose go take a walk to calm her down."

"Aren't you going to ask her to apologize to me?" Kate insisted indignantly.

"Why should she? You're the one who started the argument." Jasper retorted, his eyes darkening by the second. Kate felt another wave of fear and anxiety overcome her.

"Jasper, please _calm down_." Carlisle said, looking him dead set in the eye.

"Sorry, dad. I'll be in my room." Jasper gave Alice's hand a small squeeze before disappearing up the grand staircase.

"Congratulations, you ruined your first chance to make us like you. You thought the first week would be bad? Just wait." Edward told Kate. Bella got up without even looking at her, and followed Edward upstairs.

Alice sighed.

"I just wanted this to be fun."

She danced up the stairs after her siblings.

"Your children are very disrespectful." Kate said glaring at Carlisle. "What's the use of having all of this wealth if you can't teach them proper manners?"

Carlisle gave her a measured stare.

"My children are used to being treated with respect, and if you had shown even the tiniest inkling of it, we could have avoided this whole scene." He stood from his seat. "Now if you would excuse me, I have work to do."

Kate stuck her nose in the air and glared at the wall.

Making them like her was not her priority; she just needed to bring them out of the darkness and into the light.

**A/N: Kate is inspired by Marguerite Perrin. If you search her name on youtube, I guarantee you will laugh. A lot. Oh, and please keep telling me what you want to happen, because I'm kind of stuck. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Next one will be up in a few days :)**


	5. Chapter Five

**A/N: Hello, everyone! First of all, MERRY CHRISTMAS! I know I'm late, but it's the thought that counts, right? Here's chapter five :) Sorry it took me such a long time to post it. Hope you like it! And a huge thank you to RichlleBrinkley for beta-ing :)**

**Chapter Five**

_Kate_

I've decided I need to apologize to the brats. Not because I'm feeling guilty, which I'm not, but because I can't have them hating me. It would just make it a lot harder to get them to listen to me.

God, this is going to be hard. Everyone is really angry, but I know I am doing the right thing. This family is messed up and they need my help.

I checked the clock and saw that it was already seven thirty, so I went downstairs and to make dinner. The kitchen was spotless and I almost felt bad for messing it up, especially since I would be the one to clean it tomorrow. My mind raced as I thought of ways to apologise. I cooked a lovely vegetable soup that smelled wonderful.

Time to call in the demons.

I opened the girl's bedroom door and saw them all on their computers. How superficial. My kids all read books, they weren't allowed on the internet.

"Dinner is ready."

"We'll be down in a second," said the pixie nonchalantly. Alice, I think. That Rosalie girl didn't even bother to look at me. Maybe it's good she didn't, so I won't be wasting my energy on a screaming match with a spoiled, stuck-up teenager.

I went over to the boy's bedroom and found them all playing videogames. Don't they have anything better to do? I bet the enormous library they have is just for looks. The father is probably the only one who uses it.

"Dinner is ready," I told them.

"Cool story bro," the huge, muscled guy said, laughing at his own wittiness.

How rude. I took a deep breath, remembering the real reason I was here.

"Will you stop saying that? It gets annoying after the thousandth time," the bronze-haired boy said, irritated. At least someone was on my side.

"Don't think I'm defending you or anything. I just really hate it when he says that," Ed... something didn't even take his eyes off the screen when he addressed me.

"It's Edward." What a creep! It's like he can hear my thoughts!

"We'll be down in a few," he waved his hand dismissively and went back to mashing buttons on his console.

Well, that was easier than I expected. I made my way to the office and told Carlisle about my intentions to apologize, leaving out the part about how I thought his kids were psychopaths.

"I appreciate the gesture. I'll tell the kids to come downstairs," he said courteously, standing up from his chair.

"Oh, I already told them."

"Trust me, it's better if I talk to them." He left in the direction of the kids' rooms.

Making my way back to the dining room, I waited for the kids and their father. I was slightly anxious about talking to them. Honestly, they scared me a little, especially when they were angry, what with the dark eyes and the death glares.

I shook my head and focused on more positive thoughts. I remembered my kids and wondered if that woman would take could care of them.

Probably not. Seeing how these children were spoiled, she will try and corrupt my kids. But it won't work, I'm sure. My kids are perfect.

One by one the Cullens' walked into the dining room, their expressions appropriate for being on a death row. Carlisle sported worried frown, which only deepened my anxiety.

My heart started to beat faster and I was on the verge of hyperventilating.

Carlisle gave Jasper a stern look, and I immediately calmed down.

My God, please protect me. That Jasper gave me the creeps. He was probably the scariest one of the lot.

"Well, if we could all join hands, I'd like to say grace." They all looked at me like I was crazy.

"We're not exactly religious," Carlisle said uncomfortably.

I took several deep breaths, calming myself down. In one week, they will be saved.

"Okay," my voice was strained, "I would like to apologize for my behaviour earlier. It was inappropriate and I hope we can start over," I said all in one breath.

They didn't even bother to look up from their plates.

"Well?" I asked expectantly.

Alice looked up and sighed. "We accept you apology, but don't think that makes us like you." Not exactly the reaction I was hoping for, but it'll do. For now.

"You brought this on yourself," Edward mumbled. How does he do that? It's like he can read my mind.

"Since we're starting over, I thought I should get to know you better. Why don't you tell me about yourselves?" I looked around to see them all staring at their soup, disgust evident on their faces. Even Carlisle! Though he at least tried to hide it.

"Is there something wrong with the soup?" I asked, offended.

"Yeah, it looks horrible," Rosalie frowned.

"Rosalie, remember what we talked about," Carlisle looked at her sternly. Finally, some discipline in this house.

Rosalie pursed her lips and crossed her arms over her chest. What a brat.

"Chill babe, we're going shopping tomorrow!" Emmett said soothingly, putting an arm around her shoulders. Her face softened and she smiled a little.

As much as I hated her, I had to admit she was the most beautiful person I had ever seen, and that was saying a lot. The people in this house were all drop-dead gorgeous. I shook my head and looked over at Carlisle.

"Didn't they go shopping today?" I asked.

"So?" The pixie girl looked at me like I was crazy.

"The kids enjoy shopping, I don't see a problem," Carlisle said calmly. How much money do these people have? I wonder if they're in the mafia or something... My thoughts were interrupted by arguing.

"Bella, you have to come! I need to buy you new jeans!"

Bella rolled her eyes, "Alice, you know my size, just buy them for me. I know you love doing that," Clearly, she did not like shopping.

"Bella, there is no way around it. Besides, we're going to that mall with the bookstore you like." Alice was adamant.

"Fine," Bella sighed. By the looks of it, Alice usually got her way.

"Do you usually shop this much?" I asked them, almost afraid to hear the answer.

"Pretty much," Alice shrugged indifferently, barely looking at me.

She turned her gaze towards Rosalie and started talking about clothes. They were so materialistic, this family.

Soon, the table turned into a loud throng of conversation. Edward was talking to Carlisle and Jasper laughed along to some joke Emmett had made. My head was about to burst, and I couldn't wait to go to bed.

We all finished dinner and the family at least had the decency to put their dishes in the overly-expensive dishwasher.

I went upstairs to take a much needed bath and finally get some much-needed sleep.

The second I threw myself in bed I heard shouting. Looking at the clock, I saw that it was half past ten. Shouldn't everyone be in bed already?

Tightening my robe, I went down to see what the demons were up to.

Turns out, they were playing videogames. _Again._

"Shouldn't you be in bed?" I asked disbelievingly. "And what was that scream I heard?"

"It's a Saturday! No one goes to bed early on Saturdays," Emmett says jovially, his huge smile showing off his dimples.

"Let's play guitar hero!" Alice squealed excitedly and jumped from her spot on the couch, her face lighting up at the prospect of the game.

"Yes!" Emmett yelled.

Oh God, this was only gonna get worse, wasn't it?

Edward pulled two plastic guitars from a cabinet and Jasper started setting up a small drum set.

_God save me._

I stormed up to my bedroom and slammed the door with unnecessary force.

Burrowing under the covers I covered a pillow over my head, trying to block out the noise, but to no avail.

They were playing some kind of demonic rock music. Their voices were like those of angels, but I knew better than to let myself be deceived. My head was throbbed more than ever.

This day couldn't have gone any worse.

**A/N: Voila! It'll be a while for me to finish the sixth chapter, but I'll post it as soon as I can. Please review, 'kay?AND HAPPY 2013!**


	6. Chapter Six

**A/N: Hi there, lovelies! How's 2013 treating you? Let me start off by saying that I have no excuse for taking o long to update. My computer didn't break, I wasn't grounded, and I am on summer vacation, so there was no school work for me to worry about. I was just being lazy and watching too many musicals. That being said, I really am sorry for taking so long. And I would also like to thank RichelleBrinkley for beta-ing :)**

**Chapter Six**

Kate shot up in bed, beads of perspiration dotting her forehead. Turning to the clock on her bedside, its luminous numbers flashed back at her, 5:27, slightly too bright for her still sleep-clouded eyes.

Shaking her head, Kate focused her attention on the cream walls of her bedroom – cast a dim blue colour in the semi-darkness – and immediately frowned when memories of the previous day came flashing back to her. She was deeply regretting her decision to sign up for this stupid show in the first place, the one that had resulted in her being sent to this _stupid _house, with this _stupid_ family, in this _stupid_ city.

It was all very..._ stupid_.

No matter how hard she tried, Kate could not fall back asleep; the house was too cold, even though she was wrapped in a thick blanket and comforter.

Staring out the window at the pelting rain and almost-black sky, Kate simply watched as raindrops trickled their way down the panes of the ridiculously-elaborate windows of her room, only breaking her gaze at the rumbling of her stomach.

She was certain she wouldn't be getting any more sleep anytime soon, so Kate quietly climbed out of her bed and went to take a shower. The bathroom filled with steam as she thought of ways to save this family and bring them into the light. Going to church, obviously, but they also needed to do some charity work.

And the clothes! Most of it had to go to people in need. It was ridiculous the way these people lived. They were not immortal. If she didn't help them, their souls would all be going to hell.

Kate shook her head and roused herself from her thoughts. Quickly shutting off the water upon realising it had been quite some time since she'd gotten in the shower, Kate dressed herself in thick woollen tights and a long beige skirt. The oversized sweater she donned had a big horse in the middle and the hem was frayed slightly where stray pieces of wool had unravelled.

She combed her hair into a tight bun before making her way to the kitchen to cook herself some breakfast. After an initial struggle, she managed work out how to operate the coffee machine, and was sipping on her steaming, caffeinated beverage lost in thought when Carlisle came down the stairs, dressed for work.

"Good morning. You're up early," he said politely.

Kate snapped out of her day-dreaming.

"Oh, yeah. I couldn't sleep very well; I'm not used to the cold. Where are you going?"

"I got an urgent call from work and they need me right away. There's been a big accident and four people are in surgery, so they need more staff." Carlisle said distractedly, searching for his keys.

Kate stared at the doctor over the rim of her coffee cup.

"But it's Sunday," she said matter-of-factly.

"I apologize, but there is nothing I can do," Carlisle said, not looking the least bit apologetic. Kate huffed in response.

She continued to glare at Carlisle's back as he left the house and finished her breakfast slowly, praying to God that these children slept in late.

Of course, that didn't happen. Most of them were up by eight, which Kate found very strange considering they had stayed up for hours playing that horrid music the night before. No wonder they all had bags under their eyes.

Kate forced a smile as she walked into the living room.

"Do you want me to make you guys breakfast?"

Rosalie glanced up disdainfully.

"There's no need for the whole charade, we know you hate us. Trust me, the feeling is mutual." Kate's smile dropped immediately and she glared at the beautiful girl, who merely grinned in return.

"Rose, at least _try_ to be nice," Alice whispered, loud enough for only her sister to hear.

"_What _are you girls wearing?" Kate hadn't noticed their outfits at first, but when she did, her eyes widened in horror.

"What? Oh, I knew these shoes were too flashy." Alice frowned at her bright turquoise heels. Suddenly her head snapped up, "Wait, what are _you_ wearing?"

"Decent clothes! All of you are wearing indecently tight jeans. Rosalie, I can see your bra!"

"It's called a bandeau top," Rosalie rolled her eyes, "You're _supposed_ to see it."

"Don't you think you're overreacting?" Bella asked calmly, looking up from her book.

"Overreacting?! You look like _streetwalkers_!" Kate whisper-shouted the last word disparagingly.

She thought they would all start screaming profanities at her, but instead the Cullen children started laughing. Kate stared at them confusedly and asked indignantly, "Why are you all laughing? This isn't funny, you need to respect yourselves."

"You think this is vulgar? You should see them when it's summer," Emmett grinned at Rosalie suggestively. Kate's face turned a deep shade of red.

"Don't talk to you sister like that!"

"She's not my sister, you know that already," Emmett gave her a look that clearly said he thought she was being stupid.

"It's still inappropriate!"

Alice snickered.

"Oh, just be glad Carlisle forbade them to have sex while you're here."

Edward turned to her annoyed, "She wasn't supposed to know that."

"Oops," Alice giggled, not looking the least bit apologetic.

"What do you mean they have sex? They're not married!" Kate screeched in horror, spilling her third cup of coffee. It fell to ground with a muffled clatter, the brown liquid spilling out and staining the pristine cream carpet.

"Shit, Esme's going to kill us!" Jasper's eyes widened at the stain.

"Why? For once we didn't do anything wrong," Emmett preened, looking very proud of himself.

Bella was eyeing the carpet worriedly, "Still, I don't think she's going to be too happy with us." She bit her lip in anxiety.

All six of the Cullen children turned to glare Kate, who stood frozen uncomfortably in their gazes.

"Sorry?" Kate said uncertainly.

"Yes you should be," Alice scowled. "Come on, we need to leave. It's a three hour drive to the mall."

Upon this comment, Kate's head snapped in Alice's direction, "You're driving three hours just for a mall?" she asked incredulously.

"We wouldn't have to if this city actually had its own mall, but no," Alice muttered, mostly to herself. "You should come wi–" but before she could finish, she was interrupted by Rosalie's indignant screech.

"What do you mean she should come with us?"

"Well," Alice eyed Kate's outfit scornfully, "We have that charity party Carlisle's friend is throwing next Saturday, and I highly doubt she has anything acceptable to wear."

Kate's face reddened and she narrowed her eyes at Alice, offended.

"Excuse me–"

Alice cut her off, "Well, do you?"

Kate considered for a moment.

"I have my church dress..."

Alice rolled her eyes in irritation. Fashion was a big joke to this woman, wasn't it?

"Okay, I've heard enough. You are coming with us whether you like it or not."

Kate swallowed her pride and grabbed her purse, taking a deep breath to calm herself down. There had been enough arguments for one day. She had to remember that she was here to help these kids.

"No way, Alice! You're already forcing us to go on this stupid shopping trip with you; she is not riding in the car with us!" Edward yelled.

"Wow, she's even gotten on Eddie's nerves. That's a first," Rosalie mumbled, ignoring the glare Edward shot at her.

"You don't really have a choice," Alice explained, unfazed by her brother's annoyance. "She obviously can't go with us; Rosalie would kill her if she spent three hours in a car with her."

"It's true." Rosalie flicked her hair, a bored expression on her face.

Alice was adamant, "Besides, you and Bella are the nicest ones."

"Hey!" Emmett protested, "I'm nice too." He pouted.

Alice barely paid him any attention.

"Sure you are."

Kate took a deep breath (she'd been doing that a lot lately) and massaged her temples. She couldn't take this anymore! Why did these kids argue so much?

And the worst part? It was only her second day.

**A/N: Hope you guys liked it! OH! And I really need ideas for pranks, I'll give you credit and love you forever 3 I'm still working on the next chapter, but I'll post it in about a week. Happy 2013!**


	7. Chapter Seven

**A/N: Hello again! Here's chapter seven! By the way, there's a picture of the Cullen's house on my profile. And thanks to RichelleBrinkley for beta-ing!**

**Chapter Seven**

The car ride to the mall had been quiet with the exception of the occasional whisper or laugh. Kate wasn't sure if the Cullens' liked to keep to themselves, or just didn't like her. Both, probably.

Still, there was something about them that she couldn't quite put her finger on.

Kate shook her head. It had been less than two days and she was already going crazy. Snapping back to reality, she sighed as she waited for the girls to try on shoes.

"Stop sulking Bella, we'll let you go to the bookstore as soon as we've bought your outfit." Rosalie rolled her eyes at her younger sister before turning away to examine her feet in bright scarlet stiletto heels.

"Those are very flashy for someone your age," Kate frowned.

"I'm sure they are," Rosalie didn't take her eyes off the shoes; "I _like_ them." She smirked.

Alice looked up from her own feet (clad in sequinned purple platforms), her expression thoughtful for a moment before she smiled and nodded in agreement with Rosalie.

"Will you guys please hurry up? I want to watch that new horror movie with Jennifer Lawrence," Bella complained.

Rosalie looked up from where she was now examining her nails and smiled. "House At The End Of The Street. I saw the trailer, it looks scary enough."

"Great! I'll text the boys. Bella, check what time the movie is showing," Alice jumped up from the glossy black couch.

A look of horror crossed Kate's face. "Wait a second, I don't like horror movies!" she nearly shouted, earning her a dirty look from the saleswoman.

"So?" Rosalie deadpanned.

Bella didn't even look up from her phone. "You don't have to come, you can just wait outside or something," She turned to Rosalie, "There's a 3PM showing, but knowing Alice, we're better off with the 7PM one. She gets furious when we rush her," she explained to Kate with a smile of fond amusement.

"Of course I do! Haste is the enemy of perfection!" Alice protested indignantly. "The guys said they're in."

Kate crossed her arms, "Well, I for one am _not_ going," she declared stubbornly.

"Really? You're just going to sit in the food court until the movie is over?" Alice's face suddenly went blank and her eyes glazed over as she stared into space.

"Don't be silly Bella, she'll watch the movie with us. Trust me," Alice said firmly to Rosalie, who looked ready to protest.

She huffed and crossed her arms.

"Fine."

Kate was looking increasingly agitated. "Excuse me? It's not fine! I hate horror movies!"

"It's still Esme's week, and that's what she would do. You do want us to follow your rules next week, don't you?" Alice looked at Kate innocently, her eyes wide and imploring. It was a look that Kate found impossible to say no to.

She frowned. "Alright, but I won't enjoy it."

Rosalie let out a melodic laugh. "Shocker," she mumbled.

The day was painfully long for Kate. Alice kept trying to make her try on overly-expensive dresses that showed far more skin than she was comfortable with, so naturally Kate refused them all.

"You know what? I give up! Just wear your ugly church dress to the party, where everyone else will be perfectly dressed. Just don't come crying to me when you realize you look like you're wearing a potato sack!" She screeched and stormed out of the store. It was quite the scene, and everyone stared at them with wide eyes.

Honestly, Kate felt a little bad. Alice was clearly making an effort, and she was taking it for granted. The looks the rest of the Cullen siblings kept throwing at her didn't help either.

Alice spent the rest of the day buying everything she could get her hands on.

"Does she usually spend so much money?" Kate asked Bella, glancing at the price tags.

Bella shot her an annoyed look. "Not so much. You just made her angry." Sighing, her face softened a little, "I learned a long time ago not to get in the way of her obsession with fashion. She really doesn't mean harm."

That definitely didn't help ease Kate's guilt.

Too many stores later, Kate's feet were aching and her stomach grumbling. Glancing at her watch, she realized that the movie would start in a few minutes. Bella was happily looking through books, and Edward watched her with an amused smile on his face.

'_Perfect',_ Kate thought, '_maybe they'll forget about that ridiculous horror movie'_. As if on cue, Edward looked up and checked the time on his phone.

"It's almost seven, we should get going. Did you get everything you wanted?" He asked Bella, looking at her in absolute adoration.

"Yeah, I'm good," Bella returned the look with a smile so bright Kate almost forgot that she hated them.

Edward gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and took the books from her hand, "I'll pay for these and Jasper, Emmett, and I will meet you at the movies. I'll miss you," he teased playfully.

"It'll hardly be a few minutes," Bella laughed.

For some reason unknown to her, Kate felt herself blush and look away.

Once they were all seated comfortably inside the theatre (Kate a few rows away. As much as she disliked horror films, she'd rather be alone than with those infernal kids), the movie started.

The Cullens' spent the majority of the movie laughing and chatting, whilst Kate spent it gripping her armrests white-knuckled and looking anywhere but the screen.

When it was finally over, Kate rushed out of the dimly-lit theatre and into the – thankfully – bright mall. The Cullens' took a bit longer, but when they finally joined her, they were laughing and joking about how boring the movie was.

"How was it boring? It was completely terrifying!" Kate's eyes were still wide and her face pale.

They all laughed in response, "You thought that was scary? It was completely cliché!" Jasper exclaimed.

"I was playing Zombie Tsunami throughout the entire thing!"

Rosalie laughed, rolling her eyes, "You _always_ do that."

Emmett shrugged sheepishly and smiled at her.

"Stop undressing each other with your eyes and let's go. By the time we get home it's going to be like, midnight." Alice grabbed Jasper's hand and pulled him towards the elevators. The rest followed suite and soon they were all heading home in their far-too-expensive cars.

Kate spent most of the trip staring at the dark sky through the window. Bella and Edward were having a quiet conversation, too quiet for Kate to understand a word they were saying. She was just dozing off when she heard Bella's laugh fill the car.

"What is it?" Edward asked, glancing at her curiously. She just showed him her phone, unable to say anything because of her uncontrollable laughter. Kate tried to read whatever is was, but her eyes were slightly clouded, and Bella quickly pressed a button to turn the screen off.

"They are going to be in so much trouble," Edward said, trying to control his laughter, but to no avail.

"Who's they? What's happening?" Kate tried to ask, but it came out muffled on account of her sleep-deprived brain.

"You'll see," Bella smiled mischievously.

Kate slept the rest of the way back, and when they finally arrived home, she went straight to her room, not even bothering to tell the kids to go to bed, or even change out of her clothes.

She expected to fall into a blissful sleep, but the second she threw herself on the bed she felt uneasy, and every scene from the movie came rushing back to her.

Staring at the ceiling illuminated by the faint moonlight spilling in from where she had forgotten to close her curtains, Kate felt her heart begin to pound. Slowly, she got out of bed and pulled the curtains tight. Crawling back to the bed, she wrapped herself in the thick comforters and prayed for some sleep.

But just as she was about to fall into an uneasy sleep, a loud crashing sound resonated from the floor downstairs.

**A/N: Hope you guys liked it! The next chapter will probably take a while, because I'm going to re-write it. Please leave a review (I'll give you a cookie)!**


	8. Chapter Eight

**A/N: Hi! I just wanted to thank you guys for the reviews! It's amazing to know that people read and actually enjoy my story! Also, I would like to thank RichelleBrinkley for beta-ing!**

**Chapter Eight**

"Guys, stop!"

"Jasper," Emmett whined, "Are you _trying_ to kill my buzz?"

"Kill your buzz? Really?" Rosalie asked disbelievingly.

Jasper stared at his siblings with a concerned look on his face, "She's really scared–"

"Oh boo-hoo, the bitch deserves it!" Rosalie hissed harshly, raising her hand to break another plate.

"_No _Rose, she's terrified!" Jasper swiped the plate away from her.

Edward sighed, "Jasper's right. Maybe we should stop... Don't you think we've been kind of hard on her lately?"

"I do feel kind of bad for my outburst at mall," Alice admitted.

Rosalie glared at the two of them with angry eyes, "Did you forget how horrible that woman is?"

"Rose, she's been acting nicer lately." Bella said gently, "And I do feel guilty for making her go see that horror movie with us."

"Sure, she was kind of... insulting in the beginning," Jasper said carefully, "but she's being kinder now."

Rosalie crossed her arms stubbornly. "Kinder is a bit of a stretch."

"Think of it this way," Edward reasoned, "If we're nicer to her now, maybe she'll be nice to us when it's her week with rules." He looked at Rosalie imploringly, trying to get her to see his logic.

Rosalie sighed and uncrossed her arms. "I can't promise to be nice... but I'll try not to offend her or anything," she mumbled.

"And I'll apologize for forcing her into all of those dresses! I'll go to the mall after school tomorrow and buy her a dress she'll like. Oh, I know just the perfect colour!" Alice squealed, effectively ending the conversation.

When morning time came, Kate slowly rolled out of bed looking like a zombie. After her little scare, she had a hard time falling asleep. Dressing herself in her usual baggy jumper and long skirt, she headed downstairs to make breakfast for the family, only to find all of the Cullens' (minus Carlisle) sitting around the kitchen island.

"Good morning! Did you sleep well?" Alice smiled brightly at her.

"No. I had nightmares from that movie," Kate shot back, annoyed. "And what was that noise? Of something breaking?"

"Oh, just a plate." Alice waved her hand dismissively.

"We have something we'd like to tell you," Jasper said calmly, which surprised Kate. It also scared her a little. Coming from them, it couldn't be good news.

Bella nodded and looked at her. "We'd like to apologize. We know we have been hard on you."

"It was unnecessary," Edward agreed. Kate stared at them in shock. An apology was the least she'd expected given their initially hostile attitudes towards her.

Glancing back and forth between them uncertainly, Kate opened her mouth to say something, but no words came out.

"Oh! Also, sorry for the whole dress thing." Alice said apologetically. Kate was surprised to find that she actually seemed sincere.

The rest of the Cullens' all seemed sorry for their actions. Except Rosalie, who had her arms crossed and was glaring at the wall.

"What about you, Rosalie?" Kate asked her.

"Don't push it," she turned her glare towards Kate, as if staring straight into her soul.

Kate smiled, and realised it was probably the first time she'd done so since moving into the house. "I accept your apology!"

Emmett chuckled. "It's a good thing we didn't go through with the-" he started saying, but was interrupted by his brother.

"Look at the time," Jasper said loudly, kicking his brother under the table. "We need to go. Big test today."

"Test? You didn't study!"

Rosalie rolled her eyes, grabbing her purse as she got up, "We don't need to," she smiled cockily.

The afternoon was painfully slow. Kate cleaned the already spotless house and tried to do some gardening, but after accidentally cutting off a rose she decided to leave the gardening for the kids when the rule-change came.

After struggling with the TV remote, Kate gave up on watching television and decided take a trip to town – visit the church, get some pastries, buy a book – finally, something she would enjoy. Heading towards the garage, Kate shook her head upon seeing the expensive cars. She got into the least flashy one she could find and took the road straight, hoping she wouldn't get lost.

She eventually arrived at the cosy-looking town. Kate headed to the church, which was easy to find; it was the tallest building in town. Although tall, it was simple – just the way she liked it. Kate said her prayers, which mostly consisted of asking for help for the next few days, then just sat on one of the wooden benches, observing the simple-yet-tasteful decor.

Lost in her thoughts, Kate didn't notice a blonde woman a few years older than her come to greet her.

"Hello! I don't believe we've met. My name is Macy Lynn," the woman smiled kindly, extending her hand in greeting.

Kate shook it, grateful for the kind gesture. "I'm Kate Simmons," she smiled, "Nice to meet you."

Macy looked at her appraisingly before she asked, "You're new, aren't you? In such a small town it's hard not to notice."

"Actually, I'm participating in this show," Kate explained, "Wife Swap."

Macy's face lit up in interest, "Is that so? I really like that show. Who did you switch with?"

"Esme Cullen. Do you know her?" After recovering from her slight shock, Macy nodded.

"Everyone knows the Cullens. Well, no one really knows them but themselves. They're not very social, you see. My husband works at the hospital, and he said that Dr. Cullen is very polite, but doesn't exactly make friends." Macy took a seat next to Kate on the wooden bench.

"I met Esme once. She's lovely! She gave me advice for some furniture, and gave me tips on gardening, but that's about it. My daughter, Cassie, goes to school with the kids. I found it quite strange that they date each other, but who am I to judge? Love is love, and if God put them together, I am in no place to question it."

Kate felt slightly guilty with this admission. Maybe she had overreacted.

Macy continued, "Anyway, my daughter said most people don't like them. They say they're snobs and don't talk to anyone, but I always tell Cassie to be kind to others and to see the best in people. She asked for that pretty brunette – well, they're all pretty – the short one, what's her name?" Macy snapped her fingers, but before Kate could say anything, Macy smiled, "Alice! Yes that's it. Well, she helped my Cassie with her English homework. She helped my daughter get an A on her paper," Macy smiled proudly.

"Wow," Kate said dumbfounded. "I didn't realize they were so nice."

"Oh they are! Well, at least from the little I heard or saw. Why, aren't they nice to you?" Macy asked, concerned.

"Not at first, no. But I do have to admit; maybe I wasn't on my best day."

"Gosh, it's already twelve thirty!" Macy glanced at her watch, "I have to pick up my little boy from his play-date!" She smiled, grasping Kate's hand again in farewell. "But it was a pleasure meeting you! I come to the church very often, maybe we'll see each other again," Macy smiled kindly as she headed out of the church, "Good luck with your swap!"

That talk got Kate wondering. Macy had been so nice to her! Nicer than most people were in her own town. Kate also felt a little self-conscious; the whole idea of being kind to others and seeing the best in people – it wasn't something Kate lived by.

Maybe this was God's way of telling her it was time to change. Maybe, the kids weren't all that bad – they just reacted in a bad way to her little outburst.

Kate caught herself smiling. Suddenly, she realized that maybe this wasn't as bad as she had made it out to be.

**A/N: Hope you guys liked it! And please please _please _review, 'kay? If you have any ideas, I'll try to post them and give you credit!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hi guys! I'm alive! Please don't hate me, ok? I know I took **_**forever**_** to update, but I've been losing inspiration a bit. I'll try to be quicker, but I can't make any promises, since I have to study for my weekly tests. Well, I hope you guys like this chapter!**

**Beta'd by the amazing RichelleBrinkley :)**

**Chapter Nine**

In a much better mood, Kate went about preparing dinner. The boys were all gathered the game room (the sounds of an occasional shouted swear word could be heard, but other than that, they were pretty well-behaved) and the girls had gone shopping—_again_—much to Bella's dismay. As hard as she tried, Kate could not for the life of her understand their apparent need for so many clothes. In her family, they went clothes-shopping twice a year, and that was more than enough.

Focusing back on her cooking, Kate tried to forget about the Cullens' problems and finished preparing their supper for the night. Just as she was finishing up setting the table, the girls arrived followed by their father.

"Hello!" Alice gave her the usual bright smile, whereas Rosalie headed straight for her room. They each carried with them five or six large shopping bags each, except Bella, who had two smaller ones.

"You made supper!" Carlisle exclaimed, surprised. "We usually each make our own, but thank-you." He smiled kindly at her.

Kate felt butterflies in her stomach. Shaking her head, she told herself it must be hunger. "I think we need to start over—again," she said with a sigh. After her talk with Macy, Kate was genuinely trying to be nicer and more tolerant, but how many times would she have to start over?

"That's wonderful! I heard that the children apologized this morning," Carlisle glanced at Alice, who had a proud smile on her face. "I hope we can move on."

Kate nodded and took the lasagne from the flawlessly shiny silver oven. "Dinner's ready!" she announced happily.

"I'll get everyone." Carlisle headed out the kitchen, and Alice picked up one of her many shopping bags.

"This is for you," Alice raised the glossy black bag, "But we're keeping it a surprise until after dinner! Consider it a 'we're sorry we've been so mean to you' gift."

Next to her, Bella nodded and smiled softly, "We hope you'll like it."

Kate was so taken aback by the thoughtful gesture, the only thing she managed to do was stare at the two of them.

"Wow, that's– I mean– You really didn't–" she stuttered, but Bella cut her off.

"Don't worry about it," she shrugged. "We're not bad people, we just get... carried away sometimes."

"Thank-you." Kate smiled at them.

One by one, the Cullens' filed into the dining room, looking uneasy as they took their seats at the table. Kate tried not to dwell on it, instead focusing her attention on her food.

Much like the first night, instead of actually eating, the Cullens' just moved their food around on their plates with unpleasant expressions, though some masked it better than others.

Carlisle forced a smile, "It tastes great!"

"No it doesn't," Rosalie said loud enough so that only the vampires heard. Carlisle looked at her pointedly and she just shrugged in response.

Emmett, who was picking at his food with his fork, accidentally flicked a piece of lasagne, which landed right on Alice's—previously white—shirt.

"Emmett Culllen! This blouse is brand new! I can't believe you!" Alice screeched, shooting up in her chair.

"Alice, calm down, it's just–" Carlisle didn't manage to finish his sentence.

It was sauce everywhere. The walls and floor were no longer in their usual impeccably-clean state, and the Cullens' and Kate were all covered in food.

"This. Is. _Sparta_!" Emmett yelled, shaking his fork in the air.

The food fight didn't last long. As soon as Carlisle realized what was happening, he yelled for the kids to stop, but was promptly ignored. However, as soon as he mentioned Esme's new wallpaper, everyone froze in place.

Rosalie was the first one to break the silence. "She is going to _murder_ us!"

"Us? I didn't do anything!" Bella wiped cheese off her cheek.

"Yes you did! You threw the spoon at me," Rosalie glared at her.

Kate looked back and forth, not sure how to react. Food fights weren't really supposed to happen, were they? She always thought they were just the kind of thing you saw in movies.

"What... What just happened?" She managed to stutter.

Carlisle (the only one who had somehow managed to stay clean) shook his head. "This is a first. They've never had a food fight before," he looked at the kids who were still bickering.

"I'm not sure what to do," Kate said slowly, still trying to grasp what was happening.

"Will you six please stop arguing?" Carlisle sighed. "And you know the drill: clean up the mess, replace anything that's ruined."

"Yeah, yeah, we're used to it." Emmett smiled.

"That's it?" Kate asked incredulously, "No punishment?" If this sort of thing happened in her house, her children would never see the light of day again. Not that it would happen; Marie and David behaved perfectly, whatever the time and occasion.

Carlisle looked awkward and not entirely sure as how to answer, "Uh, we don't usually– I mean, they'll clean it up," he rubbed the back of his neck.

For a moment, all Kate wanted to do was run up to him and kiss the man. _Oh God, what's happening to me?_ She asked herself, burying her head in her hands. She didn't notice Edward's desperate attempts to stop laughing.

"This will all change next week," she managed to say.

"What?"

"Uh—nothing. Come on, guys. We have lots of cleaning to do." Edward said in-between snickers.

After washing all the food from her hair, Kate decided to check in on the dining room. She highly doubted the kids were capable of decently cleaning something, having spent most of their lives with their mother cleaning up after them. She truly felt sorry for that woman, having to do everything by herself.

Kate had never been more wrong. The dining room was absolutely _spotless_ (minus the stained walls). The room even smelled clean. Jasper was desperately scrubbing at the wallpaper and muttering under his breath.

"Uh," Kate cleared her throat. "Good job. The room looks really... _clean_."

Alice shook her head, frowning, "The wallpaper is ruined."

With a sigh, Rosalie stopped polishing the already spotless chair, "I think Esme bought that on the Internet. I really hope she bought that on the Internet."

"Remember when Emmett broke that French vase?" Bella shuddered.

"I don't think I've ever been more terrified," Emmett's eyes were wide and his lips slightly curled down.

"Let's throw a party!" Alice exclaimed, completely out of the blue. Everyone stared at her with blank expressions.

Edward was the first to recover.

"What?"

"Let's throw a party!" Alice's smile broadened and her face lit up with excitement.

Edward stared at his sister, his eyebrows raised, "Why on earth would we do that?" he asked, bewildered.

"Because it's _fun_! Come on, remember the last graduation one?" Alice said happily, before realizing what she had done.

"What last one?" Kate asked confusedly, "Why would you have thrown a graduation party before?"

Barely a second later, but what felt like an eternity to all the vampires, Alice said, "Nessie's graduation."

Kate's confusion only deepened. "Huh?"

"It was Nessie's graduation party," Alice's shoulders relaxed. The Cullens all nodded and mumbled in agreement, looking very relieved.

"Wait, Nessie's the one on her honeymoon, right?" Edward's brow furrowed at the question and he muttered something angrily under his breath.

Bella nodded, "She's Edward's older sister. I talked to her yesterday; she said she'll probably be back next weekend, so you'll get to meet her."

_Oh, the joy_, Kate thought sarcastically. The opportunity to meet another one of those spawn-of-the-devil kids wasn't very appealing to her. Even though they were on slightly better terms, they still had their problems.

"Anyway, back to the party," Alice clapped her hands, "I have lots to plan. I need to sort out the music, the food, the day... We'll have it here, so it's easier to decorate. Oh! We could put up fairy lights in the entrance and set up a dance floor in the living room!"

"Wait, we didn't even agree to this. Besides, you're still a junior," Bella tried to reason with her.

Alice snapped out of her party trance, "This could be our after school club!" She gasped in complete joy, "We could plan prom!"

"Darling, you can't just make up a club," Jasper explained gently.

"They have a Deaf Jews Club, I doubt they won't let us make one that will help out with prom."

Kate was, once again, completely lost. She was getting quite used to it, actually. In the last few days, the Cullens' had been having the most unusual conversations. "Would someone please explain?"

Rosalie rolled her eyes, "Our stupid school is forcing everyone to join at least one club. Something about social integration. I wasn't really paying attention," she shrugged.

"And why can't you join a club that already exists?"

"Because they all suck," Alice said matter-of-factly. "Edward, I'm going to need your help."

"What the hell, Alice?" Edward shouted, eyes wide and a slightly grossed out look on his face. "There is no way I'm doing that. Ugh." He shook his head.

Emmett's eyes lit up, a grin spreading across his face, "Whatwhatwhat? What's happening?"

"She wants me to flirt with Mrs. Kring!"

Emmett, along with everyone else, started laughing hysterically. Kate just stood there, completely clueless. "Wait, who's Mrs. Kring? And why does Alice want Edward to flirt with her?"

"She's our principal," Jasper explained between laughs. "The woman's ancient!"

"That's a little ironic, isn't it?" Emmett smirked at the inside joke.

Alice sighed and waited for everyone to calm down from the latest fit of laughter, "I'm not asking you to flirt with her, just try to convince Mrs. Kring to let us open the club."

"But why does it have to be me?" Edward protested.

Emmett scoffed and crossed his arms, "We all know that old ladies have a thing for you. You, Eddie, are a romancer of the elderly."

"Shut up," Edward turned to his sister, "You, Alice, have the worst ideas."

Kate couldn't really disagree. The pixie-like girl had the most unrealistic and sometimes selfish ideas.

"Isn't it getting late? You kids should go to bed," Kate decided it was a peaceful way to tell them to go to their rooms without stirring up another screaming battle.

Rosalie (who seemed ready to let loose another one of her snarky comments) rolled her eyes and marched to her room when Emmett whispered something to her.

"Well, I have lots to do," Alice beamed at Kate and danced her way up to her room. Edward, who was still quite frustrated, started arguing with her on the way up. The rest of the children followed, laughing at their siblings' bickering.

Even though it had involved a very unexpected food fight and another one of Alice's crazy schemes, this had been, for Kate, the most peaceful day so far at the Cullens' house.

**A/N: Sooo, did you like it? Please review, it makes me more excited to write :)**


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